Living with anxiety can be a daily battle between your heart and mind. Your heart is telling you to see your friends, go for that picnic or attend that party- but the mind disagrees. It’s that shadow which lingers over your shoulder constantly, making you faulter, doubt yourself and back out of things.
Today I want to talk about my comfort blanket, he’s a man called Sam.
I am a very lucky woman. At the age of 13, I met a boy who was the class joker, never paid attention in class and who became one of my best friends. At the age of 15, he asked me out and I said yes. I’m not going to go into detail about the start of our relationship- but it wasn’t without sacrifice. We lost a lot of our friends, and it was at this point that my existing anxiety sky rocketed. A teenage boy isn’t usually the most understanding of creatures, and I’m sure that most in his position would have left my emotional arse right at the start, but not him. He was a hero.
We spent every lunchtime at school sitting alone together, usually messing around and listening to music, or just talking to each other about life. He was my lifeline, the one who kept me strong when the world was closing in on me. He loved me right from the start, and I remember us exchanging love notes and songs almost every day and talking on the phone in bed most nights. We were more than just best friends, even boyfriend and girlfriend- we were soulmates.
I started going to counselling when I was 16, and I would always talk to him about my problems and he’d make me feel safe and secure, like a knight in shining armour.
My point is, to this day he’s remained the same. 7 years on and he is the one I immediately run to if I’m upset, or if I’m excited about some new TV program, or even any new gossip from work and school. He’s my best friend in the whole world, and I think that’s a very rare thing to find.
Well, it’s simple really. We’ve grown up together, and experienced most of our firsts together. From him passing his driving test, getting his first car- to us going on our first holiday together to Colwyn bay on the same day as my final A-Level exam… we’ve experienced everything together, and whenever I am feeling anxious about anything, I know I will be ok if he is there.
On my own, I would be terrible at making plans with my friends, because as much as I want to see them, the thought of leaving the house, finding my way there and then home again is terrifying to say the least. But if Sam is with me, I don’t worry one bit.
If I have to go to the shops on my own and face a cashier, I freeze up. If Sam is there, I can deal with it just fine.
It’s like having a comfort blanket constantly wrapped around me when he’s near, I’m invincible, we are unbreakable together. You make me stronger every single day, and I honestly don’t think I would be where I am in life right now if it wasn’t for you by my side.
So if you’re reading this Sammy, I just want to tell you how grateful I am for having you in my life, and to keep you for the rest of it.